All I ever wanted to do was be a Bond villain
Since I was a kid my only real career aspiration has been to become a Bond-style villain and hold the world to ransom. Is that so much to ask?
Now I’ve had a few setbacks along the way - the ludicrous price of hollowed out inert volcanos, the ridiculous health and safety regulations you’ve got to stick to when employing hired goons, not to mention my complete lack of any kind of criminal genius or underworld connections - but all that could be coming to an end!
Today I learned of a wonderful opportunity to buy a property that has everything I need to get my plans under way - it’s secluded, it’s secure, and it’s got a massive underground bunker complex already hidden beneath it!
Where is this wondrous location, I hear you ask?
In fact, it’s right here.
Now, unfortunately due to my day job as a web technologist in London, I don’t have the requisite funds to hand…
To that end I am appealing to all you lovely people out there to help one small boys dreams come true.
Please donate a little spare change to the cause - whatever you can spare would be most appreciated.
If I raise enough money fast enough I’ll buy the house and give my lovely (and long-suffering) girlfriend a fantastic place to live with views to die for…
Quite coincidentally I’ll also have a secret underground lair of my very own…
From there on it’s just a matter of getting the high powered lasers, a satellite or two, and just you wait… the world will know my name!
If I don’t raise enough money to buy the lair, it will make for a very nice donation to the Dogs Trust, a very worthwhile cause.
So there you go - it’s a win-win scenario.
Either you help fulfill the dreams of a small boy (who is now much larger and older, but not necessarily wiser), or you’ll be helping a fantastic charity who do great work.
So come on, get donating!
Originally posted on Tumblr